Episode 56: The Ultimatum: How Sobriety Saved Alisha and Ricci’s Marriage
In this episode, Ray interviews married couple Alisha and Ricci who share their individual journeys with alcohol and how it eventually intertwined in their relationship. Alisha grew up with alcohol always around her and started drinking as a teenager as a way to socialize and have a good time. Ricci, on the other hand, didn't have any alcoholic influences in his family but started drinking in his early twenties. As their relationship progressed, they started drinking together and it became a regular part of their lives. They would drink to relax, celebrate, and cope with the challenges of parenthood. However, their drinking habits escalated during lockdown, with Ricci hiding his excessive drinking from Alisha. Eventually, Alisha gave Ricci an ultimatum to address his drinking problem. This was the moment their lives and relationship changed for the better.
Alisha + Ricci’s Toolkit:
Alcohol can become a regular part of life and socializing, especially when it is normalized in one's environment
Excessive drinking can have negative effects on relationships, health, and overall well-being
Recognizing and addressing a drinking problem requires self-awareness and support from loved ones
Moderation and finding healthier ways to relax and cope with stress are important in maintaining a balanced lifestyle
Support from a partner and a community can greatly aid in the journey to sobriety
Get support, embrace support, give support
Choosing sobriety can lead to a healthier and more fulfilling relationship
Being present and engaged in parenting is a significant benefit of sobriety
Groups Of Friends Can Be Detrimental Or Helpful
Friend groups can really shape our habits, for better or worse. Ricci found himself in a tough spot, feeling pressured to drink with his coworkers every night, which only led him to drink more at home and ramp up his tolerance. But then he discovered the supportive community at AA meetings, where people encouraged him to stop drinking.
“Everyone's been really helpful. They're inviting me to WhatsApp groups and stuff like that and giving me reading material and literature. And, you know, they've been really supportive. So now I didn't want to sort of throw away the support that these or take for granted the support that these guys in the meeting are giving me.” Over time, he didn’t want to let them down, just like he didn’t want to disappoint his coworkers by skipping happy hour.
On the other hand, Alisha noticed that while she didn’t drink as much at home, many of her social activities with her girlfriends and mommy groups revolved around alcohol. Celebrating with drinks had become their go-to, and now that she and Ricci have stopped drinking, her friends miss having their “drinking buddies” around. “They probably miss their drinking buddies, I'm not going to lie. And we probably would feel the same. I think it will take a while for them to maybe fully understand what we're going through. They don't understand why we have to share out loud and be sober.” It’s a powerful reminder of how friendships can influence our choices, whether we realize it or not!
Getting Sober Saved Their Marriage
Alisha made a bold move when she gave Ricci an ultimatum: “Go to the AA meeting or get out.” It came after she noticed him making excuses to drink more at home, a pattern that hit too close to home for her. Growing up, her father often brought bottles of alcohol, and now she was witnessing the same signs of alcoholism in Ricci—and in herself. It was a wake-up call.
Ricci took her seriously and attended an AA meeting, and that decision changed everything. Since that day, he hasn’t had a drink. Alisha began to notice the progress he was making, and it inspired her to embrace sobriety as well. For her, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders.
As they both committed to sobriety, their communication improved dramatically, leading to fewer petty arguments and a rekindled intimacy that had been missing for so long. Ricci says, “I felt like we're falling in love again. The love that my wife has for me is coming back. It's almost like we're back in the honeymoon period. The way things were getting better every day, by the second, by the minute, by the day, by the week, the way things were getting better between me and Alisha, there's no way I was willing to throw that all away.”
They found themselves more present for their three boys, who are at critical stages in their youth. Alisha was determined to set a better example for her kids than her father had for her, and now they even hold their parents accountable for their sobriety. It’s become a family affair, where the whole household is united in this journey towards healthier living. It’s heartwarming to see how this transformation has not only strengthened their bond but also positively impacted their family dynamic!
Alisha + Ricci’s details
Instagram: @blacksoberpod
Podcast: Black and Sober - The Podcast
Podcast YouTube: Black and Sober - The Podcast