Episode 2: Creating a life you don't want to escape from with Jessica Dueñas

On episode 2 of the Stack’n’Days podcast Ray is joined by life coach and sober advocate Jessica Dueñas. She speaks to Ray about her own journey to sobriety and shares some practical steps for those who are thinking about quitting drinking. She also shares some important insight into what it can be like navigating healthcare services as a person of color.

Childhood

Jessica Duenas is a first-generation American with a Cuban father and a Puerto Rican mother. Growing up, she had stereotypical, strict immigrant parents. Jessica always followed the rules and did well in school. However, she developed the habit of hiding food and eating in secret due to being body shamed at home for being overweight.

College Drinking Culture

Jessica studied to become a teacher. In college she found the drinking culture there allowed her to binge drink as much as she wanted, a habit that replaced the secret eating.

Adult Life

As an adult, Jessica enjoyed happy hour after work until someone commented on her speed of drinking. This led her to start drinking more in private. When she got married she was always careful when drinking with her husband to avoid conflict. After getting divorced, she drank as much as she wanted, consuming a fifth of alcohol per day. This led to alcoholic liver disease, high belly fat, the shakes, and eventually rehab.

Silence in Black and Brown Culture Around Alcoholism

Jessica's family had a history of drinking problems, but her mother dismissed them as "drunks." Jessica knew that being a "drunk" was considered very bad. In November 2020, she decided to speak openly about her experiences and accept help, going against the shame that she was taught.

Tools for Sobriety

Jessica's approach to sobriety involved quitting with the help of medical assistance and experts, as quitting abruptly can be dangerous for those who are dependent. She used to go to AA but found that it no longer worked for her. Instead she turned to therapy, reading self-help books, meditation, journaling, learning about nutrition, and movement. She also started a blog, Bottomless to Sober, to share other people's stories of sobriety.

Some books Jessica recommends are The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and The Power of Now by Eckart Tolle.  

Bottomless to Sober

Jessica's blog was inspired by her boyfriend Ian, who she met in rehab and who later  passed away from a drug overdose. She relapsed after his death but then found inspiration to share her own story and start a blog in his honor. The purpose of the blog is to share other people's stories of sobriety.

Signs to Look Out For

Some signs to look out for in people who may be struggling with alcoholism include suddenly stopping the things they love.

For more information, check out Jessica's blog at bottomlesstosober.com and follow her on Instagram at @bottomlesstosober and @yesiladuena.