Episode 61: Recognizing the Need to Change with Andry Rakotoniaina
Ray connects deeply with guest Andry Rakotoniaina as they share experiences from the food and beverage industry. Andry opens up about how, as the eldest in an immigrant family, he faced immense pressure, especially after his father’s passing. Alcohol became an escape from these heavy responsibilities, but over time, it took control of his life. With a career in the restaurant industry, where alcohol was always within reach, the journey wasn’t easy. Today, Andry is co-founder of the Kentucky chapter of Ben’s Friends, supporting hospitality workers in sobriety. This powerful conversation dives into addiction, the strength to break free, and how recovery can transform lives.
Andry’s Toolkit:
Recognize Industry Risks
Acknowledge the Allure
Address Family Pressures
Honesty is Key
Watch for Normalized Habits
Find the activities that bring you joy
Embrace Your Cultural Identity
Seek Sober Role Models
Accept That Change is Gradual
Celebrate Sobriety
Balancing Family Expectations and Secret Struggles with Alcohol
Andry opens up about the tight expectations of his upbringing as the eldest in a strict immigrant family. With a packed schedule set by his parents—from school and work to extracurriculars—Andry found himself under immense pressure to perform and support his siblings after his father’s cancer diagnosis. When his dad passed away and all the responsibilty landed on him, he turned to alcohol for escape. Behind the scenes, he was secretly juggling a growing reliance on alcohol as a way to cope. From strict curfews to carefully chosen friends, Andry shares how he managed to live a double life, hiding his addiction while keeping up with his family’s high standards. He also reflects on the intense balancing act required to maintain his roles at home, work – three jobs at that, and socially, often prioritizing “appearing present” even while struggling with substance use.
Finding Good Role Models:
Working in the food and beverage industry didn’t make it easy for Andry to get sober. Alcohol and substances were as natural as breathing in the hospitality world. He describes working in various environments where sobriety was present among his coworkers and even role models like his UPS driver and managers, yet the connection between their sobriety and his own drinking issues felt distant. Reflecting on those days, Andry recalls, “I was so close, but I was still very far away.” Despite moments of awareness, their drinking habits continued, often hidden behind the functionality and responsibilities of their professional roles. He believed, “I’m so functional. Like, I’m better than I’ve ever been,” even as the deeper struggle brewed beneath the surface.
Everything unraveled during Thanksgiving in 2017. Andry had been sober for a while but quickly relapsed, finishing nearly nine bottles of wine alone. This cycle continued for years, culminating in an intense wake-up call after experiencing the physical toll of withdrawals, including trembling hands and delayed hangovers that underscored the severity of his consumption. “I had to make the decision to stop. I had to take responsibility and face what I was deathly afraid of, which were my feelings.” This marked the beginning of Andry’s journey toward sobriety, a path paved with immense vulnerability, as he navigated the difficulty of sobriety programs, sought therapy, and confronted the shame that once held him back. He found solace in AA, and eventually Ben’s Friends Hope, where for the first time, strangers could relate to his experience, allowing him to feel seen and understood on this challenging journey.
Finding Community and Like-minded People Can Change Everything:
In 2019, Andry’s journey towards deeper sobriety led him to a transformative moment when he was introduced to Ben’s Friends, a recovery group for sober individuals in the hospitality industry. Motivated by the possibility of connecting with others who understood the challenges of staying sober while working in such an alcohol-heavy environment, Andry helped establish the Louisville chapter in early 2020. Despite the timing coinciding with the onset of the pandemic, Andry and his fellow group members quickly adapted, shifting to Zoom meetings and finding solace in sharing experiences during a time of collective uncertainty.
His involvement in Ben’s Friends became a powerful tool for his own sobriety, offering a platform to connect with others in the industry who were navigating similar struggles. "It took being around those people who get it... to help me realize that I could want it too," Andry says. The group helped him transition from merely avoiding alcohol to embracing a healthier mindset. His relationship with the group has evolved, and the Louisville chapter has flourished, growing from just one meeting a day to nearly 17 meetings a week. Reflecting on his journey, Andry shares, "The sobriety I have today is not the sobriety I had a year ago... or five years ago." His story is a testament to the power of community, connection, and vulnerability in the pursuit of lasting recovery, and Andry now stands as a beacon of hope for others, showing that it’s possible to thrive in the hospitality industry without compromising sobriety.
Andry’s details
Instagram: @willpedal4brew
Ben’s Friends Hope: https://www.bensfriendshope.com/